Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
