New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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