Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
