alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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