Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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