so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize