Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
