He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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