enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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