She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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