My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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