A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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