Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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