i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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