i permit you to call me
My hand turned me down
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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