So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's never too late to be topless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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