hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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