Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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