It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
