the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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