Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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