Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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