Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize