is your mom at the bar?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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