No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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