Having a random hookup so left but love u
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
