I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
