obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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