I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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