Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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