At least make sure they are 18
Why
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
