Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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