There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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