forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
