discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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