omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
