Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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