All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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