this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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