Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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