I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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