Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
