I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
