Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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