Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
