sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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