I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
