Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
