So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
