Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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