tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
