Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
