still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
