he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
