dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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