So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
