I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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