if i can run in heels then i can drive
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
