life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
