Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
