I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
