I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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