That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
